How to Heal from Your Traumatic Birth Experience
Takeaway: We often think of birth as an empowering experience, and it is for many people. However, some new parents unfortunately have a traumatic birth experience. While this is devastating, it is possible to heal.
In this post, we’ll discuss what a traumatic delivery is, review strategies to help you heal if you experienced a traumatic birth, and explore ways for you to get support.
EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT TRAUMATIC BIRTH
When you're pregnant, you have so many hopes and dreams for your baby-and even for yourself as a parent. This could include a birth experience that goes according to plan and happens as smoothly as possible.
While giving birth usually isn't easy, you probably don't expect it to be traumatic. Unfortunately, that's the reality for many birthing people.
Each person's birth trauma is different. It's important to remember that your experience is valid no matter what. You deserve support for what you're going through.
WHAT IS BIRTH TRAUMA?
As the name suggests, birth trauma happens when giving birth turns into a traumatic event. Traumatic childbirth is more common than many people realize. In fact, research shows that up to 45% of new moms and birthing people report traumatic births.
Trauma is different from person to person, so what feels traumatic for one birthing person may not impact another in the same way. Generally speaking, trauma occurs when we experience a highly stressful event that makes us feel horrified, helpless, and at risk for serious injury or death.
If you're unsure whether you experienced birth trauma, think back to how you felt during and after delivery. These are some of the feelings that birth trauma survivors often have during their experience.
you felt helpless
Many birthing people who have experienced birth trauma felt helpless during their labor. As you likely know firsthand, things can change quickly in the delivery room. This can leave someone feeling like they don't know what's going on, or that they don't have control over their body or their baby.
you felt unsafe
Birth can sometimes become a life or death situation. Even if you had a healthy pregnancy without complications, birth can quickly go from routine to risky in a matter of minutes. If you felt worried for your health and safety (or that of your baby) during delivery, you may have had a traumatic experience.
you felt alone
For many birthing people, birth can be a scary experience-especially if you felt like you were going through it on your own. Maybe you couldn't have a support person in the room with you during your delivery. Maybe you felt like the medical professionals weren't hearing your needs. Whatever the case is, a sense of isolation can contribute to birth trauma.
EXAMPLES OF TRAUMATIC DELIVERY
Again, each person's experience with birth trauma is different. Below are just a few examples of traumatic experiences. However, if you had a difficult birth that's not represented here, know that your story is still worthy of validation and support.
time in the neonatal intensive care unit
All mothers hope for a healthy baby. However, medical complications can happen all too often. If your baby was born prematurely or has health issues that require special attention, they may need to spend time in the NICU.
This is devastating for parents. Of course, you want your baby to get the care that they need, but this wasn't what you imagined or hoped for. The fear, grief, uncertainty and even guilt that comes with this experience can be incredibly difficult.
having an emergency c section
Any time your birth doesn't go as planned can be considered traumatic. This is especially true if you experienced sudden complications that required medical intervention, such as having an emergency C section.
When your delivery plan suddenly changes, you can feel disappointed or powerless. Oftentimes, these last minute shifts can make you feel like you don't have control over your own medical decisions.
lack of informed consent
Similarly, birth trauma can result from not being properly informed about your medical care. Providers might use medical jargon when explaining risk factors or procedures, which can make you feel scared or confused.
You might also feel pressure to agree to certain medical decisions. Delivery is often an overwhelming experience, so you might not have the time or ability to feel grounded in your decision making. This can also contribute to feeling like your birth experience is out of your control.
miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss
Pregnancy loss and infant loss are often traumatic. Losing your little one before or shortly after their life even begins is completely unthinkable. There are so many difficult emotions that come along with this experience, and it can feel impossible to figure out how to navigate them.
do i have traumatic birth post traumatic stress disorder (ptsd)?
Not all women who experience birth trauma will develop post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Experts aren't exactly sure why some trauma survivors develop PTSD and others don't. Most likely, it's a combination of factors.
You don't need to have all of these symptoms in order to have postnatal PTSD. However, these are some of the common ones.
flashbacks and nightmares
Many parents with postnatal PTSD relive the traumatic birth over and over. This might come in the form of flashbacks: feeling suddenly transported back to the place and time the traumatic event happened.
For others, this comes in the form of nightmares. You might wake up in the middle of the night with your heart pounding after having a dream about your traumatic childbirth experience.
Nightmares can then lead to sleep problems. You might avoid going to sleep if you're constantly worried that you're going to be haunted by dreams of the event.
avoiding reminders of the traumatic event
Avoiding reminders of your trauma is another of the hallmark symptoms of postnatal PTSD. After all, no one wants to relive their traumatic childbirth over and over again.
This is completely understandable. At the same time, this avoidance can significantly impact your ability to live your day to day life.
For example, if going to the doctor is triggering, you may want to avoid it altogether. However, this can lead to negative consequences for your health over time. Getting support for postnatal PTSD can help you confront these triggers in a safe, approachable way.
feeling anxious or on edge
Most birthing people who develop postnatal PTSD often feel anxious or on edge. PTSD and anxiety disorders can have similar symptoms such as:
Panic attacks
Difficulty relaxing
Trouble concentrating
Racing thoughts
You might feel especially worried that something bad is going to happen again. This can leave you on constant high alert, which can be totally exhausting.
NEGATIVE VIEW OF YOURSELF OR THE WORLD
After experiencing trauma, your perspective might change. You might start to have intense negative thoughts about the world, such as "the world isn't a safe place" or "all medical providers have bad intentions."
On the other hand, you might also experience negative thoughts about yourself. You may blame yourself for what happened or feel like you're a bad person.
These thoughts can be highly distressing. However, getting support with processing your experience can help you make shifts to your thought patterns.
your childbirth trauma is valid whether or not you have ptsd
Remember, each person's experience with trauma is different. Whether you have postnatal PTSD or not, your voice deserves to be heard. You have the right to get help for coping with your experience-no matter what that looks like for you.
It's also important to note that birth trauma can contribute to other perinatal mental health problems such as postpartum depression. Some symptoms include:
Excessive crying
Mood swings
Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
Changes in appetite
Fatigue
Trouble bonding with your baby
If you have symptoms of postnatal depression, or if you simply want support making sense of your difficult birth, know that help is here for you.
HEALING FROM YOUR TRAUMATIC DELIVERY
Birth trauma is a life-changing event to say the least. However, you don't have to go through it alone. There are tons of resources available to help you heal from your experience. While there is no formula for recovering from a traumatic birth experience, many birthing people find comfort in one or more of these support systems. Find what works for you.
let your medical provider know how you feel
Many people struggle to communicate with their medical provider. This may be especially true if you've experienced birth trauma, particularly if it was related to how your doctors handled your delivery.
At the same time, it's vital to let your birthing health provider (or other medical professional) know what you're going through. They can give you treatment suggestions and referrals to local resources that can help in your recovery.
consider working with a mental health professional
Talking therapy can help you make sense of the unthinkable. Therapists aren't here to change how you feel-rather, we want to provide a space where all your feelings can be heard, validated, and supported.
Our team of clinicians offer birth trauma therapy for women like you. We use eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy (EMDR) alongside other treatment techniques to help you process your experience and move forward-not move on.
get support from other moms
Support groups can be another helpful resource for women who have experienced birth trauma. Hearing the birth stories of other moms-and sharing your own-can help you remember that you're not alone.
Online support groups are one great option for women who are looking to connect with other moms. Your local hospital or mental health agency may also offer support groups or referrals to other resources in your area.
connect with an advocacy group
For even more support, check out a national or international organization. Prevention and Treatment of Traumatic Childbirth (PATTCh) is a Washington-based charity that has tons of online resources. The Birth Trauma Association (BTA) is located in the UK, but you can access some of their online resources from anywhere in the world.
If groups feel out of reach, consider tuning into a podcast. There are tons of great podcasts that offer support for people with traumatic birth experiences. I address this topic in my podcast, too. Check out this episode where my colleague Dr. Alexandra Shrake and I discuss birth trauma.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO HEAL FROM YOUR TRAUMATIC BIRTH EXPERIENCE ALONE
So many women suffer in silence after their traumatic delivery. No one should have to bear the weight of that experience alone.
Our birth trauma therapists in San Diego (and throughout California) are here to help. We're passionate about creating a safe, nonjudgmental space where you can feel understood. From here, we'll find strategies to help you cope-and help you figure out what it looks like to live with this experience.
If you're interested in learning more about working together, we encourage you to reach out. We offer free 15-minute consultations so we can get a sense of whether we might be a good fit. We look forward to connecting with you.